yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Found the puke drawer
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
