ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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