its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
