so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Still dying that you shit outside
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
