I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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