Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
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