You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
