I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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