you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
