naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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