I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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