You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
