I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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