if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He literally asked permission to hit on me
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
