After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
