is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
