I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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