oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
