im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
