I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I wish you could order shots online.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
