If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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