I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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