guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
