Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
my poor anus
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
