She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
