My first STD was from a foam party
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
