Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
