"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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