I wanna bring you to show and tell
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
