If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
