Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I supernannyed him into submission
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