sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
