What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
My life is pants optional.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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