Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
