My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
why didn't you poke me back
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
