My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
