Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
