This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
