you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
