I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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