I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
