Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
