apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
