You just made me feel so damn special
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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