god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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