my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
