So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
