Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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