But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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