I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
