I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I would ride that face into the sunset
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
