You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
