I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
